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Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Stories. Show all posts
Computers in Heaven
A
man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send a mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the
wrong email address, and without realizing he sent the mail to a widow
who has just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to
check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and
friends. After reading d first message she fainted.The son rushed in to
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:To: My Loving Wife, I know u are surprised to hear from me.
They have Computers here, and we are allowed to send mails to loved
ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything
has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Expecting u darling. I
can't wait to c u!=D =))
RECESSION UPDATES
1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off.
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin.... and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at
the same rate
3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way tomake a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the
window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin.... and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at
the same rate
3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way tomake a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the
window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".
Har ek Scam Zaurri hota hai
Har ek Scam Zaurri hota hai
Brand New Enteryhar ek Scam Zaurri hota hai
Chai k liye jaise toast hota hai
waise har ek scam zaurri hota hai
Koi chup chup behimani se paise kamaye
koi raat me 3 baje padrav karye
ek teri kadki me paise loote
ek tera pura budget hi loote
koi Nature se currpt hota hai
par
har ek scam zaurri hota hai
Ek kabhi nahi kaam aaye Par humesha Bakwas kare
ek kabhi -2 bakwas kare or kabhi na kaam aaye
Scams ka ghumta firta pura sattelite
ye na sath rhe, tabhi ho sab allright
sabhi effortless sale sab currpt hai
leking Har ek scam zaurri hota hai
Koi currupt Neta, koi faltu ka neta
koi Kurshi race wala Neta
Vote lene wala har koi neta
Koi bazaru neta
sab to hai Jeb bharne wale
Paise buddy paise buddy
sabhi neta hai currpt buddy
Scam buddy scam buddy
Kutte kamine :D
A to Z
Gin gin k name bheja rest hota hai
par har ek scam zaurrui hota ha
Lekin har ek scam zaurri hota hai
har ek scam zaurri hota hai
na na na na na ....
This Is Why India Shines..!
This Is Why India Shines..!
A Indian man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.He told the loan officer that he was going to India on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.
Then the man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.Two weeks later, the guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000?.
The Indian replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”
Ah D mind of the Indian
This is why India Is shining :)
Woman Will Be Woman
WOMAN WILL BE WOMAN
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
face-lift,
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the
ambulance?"
God replied:
"Damnit! I didn't recognize you
Indian Hell
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks “What do they do here?” He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks “What do they do here?”
He is told “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? “Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria...”
Banta And Kidnapper
Banta spending his life in real poverty decides to earn some quick bucks through an illegal way.
He thinks of kidnaping someone and demanding ransom from the parents of that child.
In order to execute his plan, he goes to a nearby park and finds a little girl playing there. He writes a note "I have kidnapped your daughter. Drop by Rs.2,00,000 in the park by 12:00pm tomorrow else your daughter will be killed".
He pins the note on the girl's shirts and drops her at her home.
Next day..
Banta desperately waiting at the park for the money.
That little girl comes with a bag and hands over the bag to Banta with a note.
Banta checks the bag and finds Rs.2,00,000 in the bag. He desparately check the note which happens to be from Santa. It reads....
"Please don't kill my daughter. I'm sending Rs.2,00,000 with my daughter. Keep it and release my daughter".
Lolzzz
2dost safar pr ja rhe the raste me raat hogai wo TAMBU lga k sogye....
RAT ko1dost ki ankh khuli...
usne dusre ko jaga kr kaha...
asman ki tarf dekh k bta tuje kya nzr aa rha he???
2 dost BOLA.. bahut sare pyare sitare......
...1st dost .... is se kya pata chlta hai??
2nd : aasman khubsurt hai or roshni b hai....
1st frnd....aur??
2nd - mousam b suhana hai...
1st frn ne ek thapad lagaya aur bola : Abe ...
koi TAMBU Utar kr le gya dhakkan..
RAT ko1dost ki ankh khuli...
usne dusre ko jaga kr kaha...
asman ki tarf dekh k bta tuje kya nzr aa rha he???
2 dost BOLA.. bahut sare pyare sitare......
...1st dost .... is se kya pata chlta hai??
2nd : aasman khubsurt hai or roshni b hai....
1st frnd....aur??
2nd - mousam b suhana hai...
1st frn ne ek thapad lagaya aur bola : Abe ...
koi TAMBU Utar kr le gya dhakkan..
The Ant and the Grasshopper [Old story - New version]
Old Story:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
New Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as “injustice” done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ‘Bengal Bandh’ in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Gharib Grasshopper Rath’.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the “Prevention of Atrocities Against Grasshoppers Act” [PAAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation’ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with PAAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it’s home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ‘A Triumph of Justice’.
Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice’.
CPM calls it the ”Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden’
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India,
..AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!! ! :) :) :)
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
New Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .
Mayawati states this as “injustice” done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ‘Bengal Bandh’ in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Gharib Grasshopper Rath’.
Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the “Prevention of Atrocities Against Grasshoppers Act” [PAAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation’ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.
The Ant is fined for failing to comply with PAAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it’s home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.
Arundhati Roy calls it ‘A Triumph of Justice’.
Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice’.
CPM calls it the ”Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden’
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India,
..AND
As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!! ! :) :) :)
Most Funny Questions And Answers
6. What is height of Stupidity?
Ans : A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
Ans : A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
...Ans : A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
Ans : A cow giving milk powder.
10. What is Height of Kanjoosi ?
Ans : Bania's house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the
Fire brigade
Ans : A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
7. What is height of Honesty?
Ans : A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
8. What is height of Suicide?
...Ans : A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
9. What is height of De-hydration?
Ans : A cow giving milk powder.
10. What is Height of Kanjoosi ?
Ans : Bania's house has caught fire and he is giving miss calls to the
Fire brigade
Wah Intilligent Santa
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.
The Pakistani guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, ‘We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about...I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’. Hehehehe.. :) :) :)
The Pakistani guard Iqbal stops him and says, ‘What’s in the bags?’ ‘Sand,’ answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, ‘We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.’
Iqbal’s guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, ‘What have you got?’ ‘Sand,’ says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn’t show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a ‘Dhaba’ in Islamabad.
‘Hey, Buddy,’ says Iqbal, ‘I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about...I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?’
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, ‘Bikes’. Hehehehe.. :) :) :)
Doubty Women
There was once a wife so Insecure and DOUBTING over her Husband that when her husband came home one night .....
she couldn’t find hair on his jacket so she yelled at him,
"Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!" :P:P
The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying,
"She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume!" lol
Moral : Jis din Aadmi ka Hairfall Bandh ho jaaye aur woh Perfume lagana Bhool
jaaye uss din uska DIVORCE pakka hai!!!!LMAO:p
Wives are INSECURE :/ ;) =P
she couldn’t find hair on his jacket so she yelled at him,
"Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!" :P:P
The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying,
"She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume!" lol
Moral : Jis din Aadmi ka Hairfall Bandh ho jaaye aur woh Perfume lagana Bhool
jaaye uss din uska DIVORCE pakka hai!!!!LMAO:p
Wives are INSECURE :/ ;) =P
Amazing Telegrams
SHOCKING TELEGRAM'S . . . .
By www.facebook.com/Abeyhassoyarr
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :
“Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife : “I wish you were here.” The message received by wife:
“I wish you were her.”
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter,while her turn came, it was the last ticket.Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,
she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
“Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady.”
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman asks “how do you want me to put it?”
The man says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
“You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom”.
TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent’s house in Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram,
she fainted.
It was written: ‘sethji a aj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye )
By www.facebook.com/Abeyhassoyarr
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :
“Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife : “I wish you were here.” The message received by wife:
“I wish you were her.”
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter,while her turn came, it was the last ticket.Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,
she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
“Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady.”
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman asks “how do you want me to put it?”
The man says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.
The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
“You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom”.
TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent’s house in Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram,
she fainted.
It was written: ‘sethji a aj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye )
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